Picture yourself waking up to an overdue day off from work. You have a list of tasks to complete, including time to unwind and relax. While getting ready to start your day, you receive a call from a friend asking you to take on a task that you do not have time to complete.
What do you do next?
If your first reaction is to say "yes", without analyzing if the extra task will be an inconvenience to your day, you might be a people pleaser.
A people pleaser is someone who puts the needs of others before their own. People pleasers typically have a difficult time telling others "no", give unnecessary apologies, have poor boundaries, and feel the need to be liked.
Strategies to Stop People Pleasing
People pleasers typically become burnt out and unappreciated because they do not get back what they give out. Although we do not do things with the expectation of receiving something in return, the relationship should be balanced.
Set Healthy Boundaries: People pleasers often have difficulties setting boundaries with others. Not setting boundaries with others can lead to burn out because of over extending yourself. Never allow someone to make you feel guilty about setting healthy boundaries. To ensure others abide by your boundaries, make sure they are clear and specific. If there are individuals who are not willing to abide by your boundaries, you should re-evaluate the relationship or seek professional help.
Learn to say "no": Saying "no" is one of the most difficult statements for a people pleaser to say. Learning to say "no" is a part of setting healthy boundaries. If you are asked to complete a task or engage in an activity that you do not want to attend to it is always okay to say "no".
Be Assertive: People who are assertive are able to find the right balance of being passive and aggressive. Being assertive will give you the ability to stand up for yourself in a way that does not disrespect or offend others. Being assertive will also assist you in establishing healthy boundaries.
Spending Time Alone: Spending time alone can help you in reducing the urge of people pleasing. It assists you in developing an insight of who you really are. Instead of focusing on what pleases others you will be able to focus on what pleases you, makes you happy, and unhappy in life.
Be Yourself: Most people pleasers adjust their personality to those who they are surrounded by. If you are put on the spot and asked to do something you normally wouldn't, it is important to stick to who you are. Do not be afraid to make your own decisions; this also goes back to learning to say "no". Being alone will also assist you in learning what "being yourself" truly is.
The most important advice to remember is that you cannot please everyone. The person you must be willing to please is yourself. Learn to let go of people pleasing by booking with one of our professional life coaches.